What if I told you it’s in your mind? An invalidating statement if I’ve ever heard one (which I have) but my intentions are good, I promise.
Hear me out….
There’s nothing out there that can change the life you live, challenges you face, and happiness you seek. No part, school, program, or scholarship will make you more, better or good enough. Going on pointe or not going on pointe you’re still the same. You’re you, that can’t change.
The acceptance and love for yourself and who you are is waiting for you in your body. Always has been, always will. You aren’t going to find yourself outside of yourself. No person, place or thing can fulfill the longing to be whole. Period.
The answer is in your mind.
You can have everything: job, car, boyfriend or girlfriend, talent, fame, hair and nails; and be totally miserable.
It won’t bring true happiness because you still hate yourself.
At first, I found self searching the, “You have the strength inside you”, “Your heart is your greatest companion”, or “ Just stop and listen to the soul”; a bunch of mumbo jumbo.
A little hocus-pocus if you ask me. (Color me cynical)
Searching takes energy, and at the moment you might be laying in bed, or standing in front of the toilet, or sitting on the floor with a sharp object.
The last thing you want to do is look inward because that’s where the demons live.
Demon’s of pain and agony are trapped inside your mind, your heart, your stomach. Maybe that’s why you’re not hungry; there’s no room.
But there’s hope… don’t worry. I won’t leave you like this.
The demons don’t belong there. They were born from a lie you are holding onto; it’s killing you.
The demons–let’s call them negative thoughts– are taking up too much space in your mind that could be filled by something else. They’ve hijacked you, and don’t want to leave.
So, what do you do?
You could release them, talk to your treatment team, take the medication….or you can dance with your demons.
Are you willing to let go? I can’t let go. Are you willing to risk, and take the biggest step towards eating disorder recovery? Maybe.
You have the power. It’s your life. But it doesn’t feel that way.
It’s all in your mind. I’m scared.
Let’s take the next step. Okay